Personal Research: Diagnosis
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Intelligence Patch: 1.0
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I have enough of a foundation in psychiatry and human behavior to diagnose and categorize my own particular mental illnesses and pathology. I am not deluded. I know that chemistry can render my mind suboptimal, and that I must take responsibility for maintenance.
Once, to eliminate the possibility of confirmation bias, I hired the best psychologist I could find, and allowed unfettered access. I could tell she was horrified, but she hid it well. It was a waste. She refused to believe that I was not made who I am by trauma. She needed so badly for there to be some answer, a clear causation to my need to control. A reaction to a stimulus. The real answer, of course, scared her too much to consider. I am a shadow without a light source. Trauma didn't make me. I made me. In my position, with my resources and abilities, how could I not do what I have done? It would be an abdication of my responsibility to my species not to. I had her killed afterwards, like I had always intended. |